I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
