i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
