i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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