mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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