yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
