She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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