apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
