In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
