nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
