I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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