I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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