I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
