Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
