my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
