just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
