He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
