so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
