I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
