It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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