I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
