I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
