I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
