oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
