You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is classic penis vs brain.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
