I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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