At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
