talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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