Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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