Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
