A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
