I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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