Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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