This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
