Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
