I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
