Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't think brook has ever known best
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
