Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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