i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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