I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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