I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
