Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
