I want to make a zoo with you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
