grandma shit on top of the toilet
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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