You work out of a Hotel?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
