I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
