Who wears a wallet chain?!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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