Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
