YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
