Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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