final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
